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When I parked in the parking lot of the restaurant, I got out of the car and mom slid over behind the wheel then got out when I took her hand into my hand, to help her out of the car and again, she stuck one leg out and then stuck out the other leg, giving me another view up her skirt to see her cotton pantys again, before standing up then stepping aside for me to shut the door behind her.Once we were in the restaurnt, we were led to a corner table in the far corner of the dining room, where mom slid in first and slid over for me to get in beside her and I saw her skirt ride up her thighs a little bit and she didn't pull it back down, like she usually had done before.I slid in beside mom and she put a hand on my leg about mid thigh and used her other hand to put my hand about mid thigh on her thigh and told me what she wanted me to order for her and since, I was to young to order her drink she would order that for her self.Having my hand on mom's leg and her hand on my leg kept me. I completely froze and prayed that she was joking. But she wasn’t. That evening I cut my hand in an attempt to shock her into quitting. She saw it the next day. She was hurt but my plan failed. I know that was ridiculously stupid. The shame you feel after hurting yourself to cope is difficult to deal with and I’ll be honest and say that the shame sometimes made me feel so bad that I actually harmed myself twice in the space of a few minutes. The term vicious cycle has been used to describe self-harm. I completely agree. It’s exactly the right term to use. You feel bad, you cut. You feel bad about cutting, you start to feel worse. And you cut again. And it keeps on going, and going, and going... It’s very hard to explain and incredibly difficult for people to comprehend but hurting yourself is very addictive. I have no idea why but that’s the only word that I can find to at least try to explain. People often mistake is as a suicide attempt but that’s just because the.
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